Yes, indeed, you should know better than to say, “I should know better.” This kind of self-recrimination is not enfolding experience in clarity and love. It is to live in the past experience in a repetitive and destructive cycle. No doubt teachers and parents said this at some stage in frustration and anger and now this is the internalized perpetrator, victimizing you. There is no way out of this until you wake up and observe the karmic cycle of misery you are creating and decide to be present to victim and perpetrator with insight, which is a lot different to meaningless judgments and self hatred. Begin to ask yourself, “Where is the observer of my inner dynamic?” Why have I abdicated responsibility for my life? If I were to witness this dynamic external to myself what feelings would I have? What actions would I want to take? What change would I like to see happen? What power do I have to change this? How would I mediate the situation with love for both? How have I learned to berate myself as a precaution against someone else doing it first? Is there secondary gain in denigrating myself? Have you considered how arrogant it is to judge yourself – wouldn’t you think that if someone else were to judge you, that it would be pretty arrogant?